


His Heart's Desire

by Ramzes



Series: Night So Dark and Star So Pale [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: AU - the rebels lost at the Trident, Dark fic, F/M, no exploration of things political, not for romantic shippers, not really thought out, wicked Elia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 07:59:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12677709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramzes/pseuds/Ramzes
Summary: He expected that she would call him for an explanation the day he returned but she did not. She would only summon him later - not to hear his explanations.





	His Heart's Desire

He expected that she would call him for an explanation the day he returned but she did not; he expected to be summoned the day of the little King’s coronation but he was not; he expected he’d be asked to stay when the Kingsguard had received their new placements and when he was not, he started to realize, stunned, that she would not demand to hear his self-justifications.

 A little part of him was glad, for the reasons that had looked so solid a year and a half ago seemed as flimsy as a silk fabric unraveling in the wake of a single thread. What could he explain? In a way that could make her understand? Nothing. But another, bigger part of him remained uneasy, disquieted, mortified at the way her eyes went through him as if he weren’t there. Elia Martell had never not noticed him; Elia Targaryen had been glad of his presence, for he was Dorne for her as much as Ashara. Now she knew how wrong she had been and she could not be bothered to treat him with more than the good manners she showed the other Kingsguard, could not be bothered to even punish him. She had no bigger demands of him that she did of Ser Gerold and Oswell who had, after all, followed orders.

 The summons came when he least expected them, a  month after the coronation, when the changed Small Council had settled into what one might call a tempestuous start of routine. Arthur was not sure what he would call it. Ah yes. A Tyrell, a Baratheon, a Lannister, an Arryn, and a Martell. A keg of wildfire sounded about right. He only wondered when it would explode.

 Elia called him herself – she opened the door of the nursery which he had been guarding and beckoned him in. Somewhat surprised, he saw that Aegon was sleeping and the nursemaid was nowhere in sight. Of course, he should not be surprised. He might be assigned to the little King now but he had little idea what transpired behind these doors when Elia was inside. She purposefully shut him out. Literally.

 Elia closed the bed curtains and turned to look at him. At this moment, he realized how wrong he had been in his assumptions. Elia held him culpable, the way she did not with the other two. Her eyes were twin suns – the murderous suns of desert… She had not forgotten or forgiven a thing. In fact, he had the sudden feeling that she was heaping Rhaegar’s blame on him on top of his own, a thought that stirred a strange feeling in him. It took a moment before he recognized it. Excitement. Fascination. Deep, dark contentment.

 “If you think you’re here because I want to hear your regrets, spare us both,” Elia said flatly.

 “Then why am I here?”

 “Because you are the only one who betrayed me,” she replied readily. “You know, I thought you had some allegiance to me as well. A Dayne to a Martell. You never dissuaded me.”

 “I did. I do. Having allegiance, I mean,” he clarified rapidly, suddenly scared that she’d think he meant the dissuading thing. “I just… I was the Prince’s man through and through.”

 She nodded, so understanding that Arthur’s entire being shouted a warning. “And now, you’re the King’s man,” she said kindly. “That’s why I kept you, in case you’re wondering. I believe you transferred your loyalty to Rhaegar to his son.”

 Not _his sons_. For a fleeting moment, Arthur felt sorry for the boy who had been burdened with so many hopes and dreams before he was even born, the bastard child of two dead people who only had the beautiful story of their doomed love to their names that a bold singer would sing from time to time. But the moment passed. He had done his best to protect the child. No one could demand more of him now. After all, the Princess Regent, mother to his King, commanded his obeisance. It was so nice to have orders that corresponded to his own wishes.

 “He’s your son too,” Arthur heard himself say and hated himself for this moment of weakness. But he hated the fact that now it was dangerous to reveal his weaknesses before her even more. It was enemies who should not be aware of those. Elia Martell – he could never call her with the other name in his thoughts – could never be an enemy of his, even if she thought so about him.

 She nodded. “He’s my son and our King,” she said. “Which is why you’ll obey my order now.”

 Her eyes looked blacker and full of suns or the tips of spears, Arthur was not sure which, in the light of the few lamps. Elia nodded at him to bolt the door and as he did so, he heard the distant echoes of laughter and conversations. People were going to the evening feast.

 “I loved you, you know.”

 He froze and slowly turned to look at her. The spears were still there –oh, they were spears well and true, those. “No, I didn’t.”

 “And I’ve known it since the moment I got told that Rhaegar and his companions had disappeared from everyone’s sight. It was before anyone knew about the girl. I thought you had come across some brigands. I thought you might be dead – and yours was the first fate I was terrified about. Before, I had no idea because love turned to be so different from everything I imagined. Everything Rhaegar sang about.”

 And now, he was here, with them. Rhaegar, the silver harp before him, and Arthur tried to push him away. Was it not enough that he had had to watch Elia with him, stand guard before their door as they…

 “Do you remember when you told me you loved me, in the Water Gardens?” Elia asked. “Somehow, I was under the impression that these feelings still stood.”

 “They do.”

 For a moment, she lost her composure. “The Seven save me from hatred, then, if your deeds are love! No, don’t say a thing, I don’t want to hear it,” she said quickly.

 “Then what do you want?”

 She rose from her chair and came close. “This.”

 His eyes went wide when her hand… “Are you mad?” he groaned.

 Her eyes were hard as steel. “You’re here to follow orders, not ask questions,” she said, doing… She could not have learned this thing from Rhaegar. He had not had the time to get her this experienced.

 “Who was he?” Arthur demanded. “I know there was someone in Sunspear. Who?”

 The thought that she might have given up her maidenhead to someone years ago when he had put her on such pedestal…

 “Your brother,” Elia said readily and his eyes opened. He drew back, got her by the hair and the string of amethysts thumped softly  on the Myrish carpet.

 “Liar!”

 “Why don’t you ask him?” she inquired mockingly but at least she released his manhood. “Or perhaps it wasn’t him. Perhaps it was Ryon Allyrion… I’ve always liked strong faces like his…”

 “Shut up!”

 “Very well,” she agreed. “Let’s shut up and start acting. This is what you’ve wanted in years, isn’t it?”

 His head snapped back and he stared at her face, her hateful eyes. “I never wanted to make love to you when you’re after revenge. This is what you’re after, isn’t it? Rhaegar is dead, Elia! He can’t feel bad anymore.”

 “But I can feel better,” she replied. “And you’re sworn to obey, so mind your vows, Ser!”

  _He’s dead but I’m alive,_ he thought. _And you aren’t the one you used to be. Rhaegar and I turned you into a bitter stranger_ , he screamed in his head  as she reached for him again to take his heart’s desire and twist its coming true into something hateful, uncleanly, and vile.

 

**THE END**

 


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